Classification of Computer Science Research

This is intended to be sarcastic.

Security: The art of thinking about unsolvable problems.
Theory: The art of creating unsolvable problems.
Systems: The continuous re-implementation of ideas that appeared in 1950's.
Compilers: The science of arguing that every thing is either NP-complete or undecidable, and showing that neither is relevant.
Artificial Intelligence: A line of research whose existence is motivated and justified by the failure of natural intelligence, or the lack thereof.
Networking: An excuse for doing research in security.
Computer Architecture: The only successful branch of computer science research, although it has nothing to do with science, or research.
Graphics: Drawing pots and kettles on computer screens.
Databases: A research topic that was resolved in the 60's.
Parallel Processing: This is what you claim to be doing when you want the government to spend a lot of money to support you.
HCI: A philosopher in front of a Mac.
Geometric Modelling: That's what people who get tired of theory move to . They then retire.